So you have been married for a while now, and you want to make it last. You know the statistics. So many marriages end up in divorce. Maybe things have already started to go downhill and you are afraid you are going to lose your spouse.
What are some of the best ways to strengthen your marriage and get it on solid ground? Here are five tips to help you avoid divorce and strengthen your marriage.
1. Talk about your relationship frequently. This doesn't need to be stuffy "determine the relationship" talks. It needs to be simple and consistent, and is best begun before things start to get too bad. Talk about what you enjoy about your marriage, and bring up problems while they are small. The more this becomes a habit, the easier it will be and the more comfortable and normal it will become. Even something as simple as, "is there anything I can do for you to make our relationship even better?" can open the door for a stronger marriage.
2. Don't be a mind reader. After you have been together for awhile, you may start finishing each others sentences and think you know what your partner is thinking before they even say it. Unfortunately, this can lead to "mind reading," where you assume you know what your partner is thinking or how he or she is feeling. And often, especially during arguments, you will be wrong. Try and understand your partner's point of view.
Ask them what they are thinking and make sure you understand their point of view, and hopefully they will do the same for you. Remember, listen to understand, not so you can defend yourself. This one thing will do wonders to strengthen and preserve your marriage.
3. Spend quality time together. Quality means mutually satisfying interaction. Going to movies can be fun, but the interaction is minimal. Go on walks, play sports together, talk, laugh, and have fun. The important thing is that you are interacting, not just coexisting.
Also, make sure that what you do is enjoyable for both of you. Just because you like bowling or rock climbing, doesn't mean your spouse does. And just because they went with you when you first started dating, doesn't mean that they really liked it. Often we will initially do things we don't like just to spend time getting to know someone. So ask, and make sure that what you are doing is good for both of you, and that you have fun together.
4. Love each other. Now this seems obvious, but remember, love is not just something you feel, but should also be something you do. Love may seem to come naturally, but if you want it to stick around, or better yet to grow, you must love (action) your spouse. This means doing things for your spouse even when it is difficult. It means making their needs, wants, and desires a priority. It often means doing those things you used to do when you first started dating-you know, the things that you hoped would win the other person over with while you were dating but have stopped doing because you "got" them.
5. Start early. The sooner you can address problems, the better. If you screw up, apologize. Admit when you are wrong. Talk about things that hurt you before they become too big to handle. The longer you wait to address an issue, the more things will pile up, emotions will build, and what could have been a simple discussion becomes a major argument, or even contribute to a divorce.
Good relationships take work, and good marriages are worth the work they take. You cannot always save a relationship from break-up, but these five tips will help you have an edge and give your relationship the help it needs to survive and even thrive.
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