Marriage Tip: The Jar Method

I am frequently asked for concrete ways to help improve feelings of love in marriages.  Sometimes it is nice to have something tangible to do instead of merely abstract effort of "trying to love" your spouse.  This is where the jar method comes in.

The idea behind the jar method is that everyone has different things they like, and different ways of feeling loved.  (A great book on this is The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman).  For example: my wife feels love from me when I take out the trash.  I don't even notice if she takes out the trash--sorry sweetheart, its true--, so it does not have the same meaning to me as it does to her.  But, if she expresses her love to me verbally, I feel loved, where as verbal expressions are not as meaningful to her.  We each feel love differently, and we must show love in ways that are meaningful to our spouse. 

This marriage tip helps ensure that you and your spouse consistently show meaningful acts of love to each other.

Here is how it works:

1. Get a jar (or other container) for each spouse.  
2. Each of you write down a list of things that you like the other person to do that shows you love.  Examples may include a candle light dinner, a card game together, a back rub, a love note, etc.  
3. Cut each idea out and place the ideas folded up in your jar.
4. Place your jars in an area where you both will see them.
5. Ever day pull out one piece of paper from your spouse's jar and do it sometime that day (sometimes you may have to get a different one if it cannot be completed that day).

Simple as that.  This way, you are doing something daily to show love to your spouse in a way that is meaningful to them.  Plus, it helps you continue to learn what your spouse likes; what shows love to them. Remember, the feeling of love comes and goes in marriage, but the ACTION of loving your spouse will help nurture the FEELING of love.