Fix My Spouse!

Frequently people will come to my office and want me to "fix" their spouse. They will have some complaint, usually starting out with a "she doesn't" or "he does" that they want changed. There is a great qutote by Carl Jung in regards to parenting that with a small tweak applies perfectly to couples in this situation. Jung says, “If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” Change two words and you get:

If there is anything that we wish to change in our spouse, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.

This is a great place to start. What part do I have to play in this problem? So many problems would be solved, or at least made lighter, if we would look to ourselves before we looked to others. As with parenting, the more we become the person we want others to be, the more they will follow suit. In healthy relationships, it becomes increasingly more difficult to be a bad spouse to a good spouse. If this doesn't work, then there are deeper issues at play. Talk it over, communicate clearly, respect each other, be what you want to see in your spouse, and if the problem remains, then it is time to seek help.