Quote

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.

-David Augsburger

The Magic Relationship Ratio

Dr. John Gottman, the nations leading relationship researcher, has studied couples for decades. He has found that successful couples have a "magic" ratio of positive to negative interactions - 5:1.  Here he explains this finding briefly in this video:




So remember, your "skills" in communication or relationships are nothing to just having positive interactions with your spouse. Put otherwise, you can have great "skills", but if you are a jerk, your relationship will still suffer. So simple, and so important.

If you want to read more, here is a great book by Dr. Gottman that I highly reccomend.

Quote

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
-Leo Tolstoy

Quick thought on technology

I love technology. I couldn't live without my cell phone or my laptop. But our modern technologies that keep us so connected with the world tend to make us less connected with our families.  Too often I see time at home filled with TV shows, surfing the internet, and chatting on the phone. Couples on dates are often both on their phones with other people, texting, or even posting to facebook about their date instead of being on the date! When you are there with your spouse, BE THERE with your spouse.  Turn off your cell phone.  Stay off the computer.  Eyes on your spouse, not on a screen.  Listen, talk, laugh, hold hands. Be deliberate about your technology and don't let it lead your life. Email will still be there after you spend time together. Voicemail works and you can check it later. Texts don't disappear. Status updates can wait. On those special times together, and at least an hour daily at home, turn your attention towards each other and away from screens and keyboards. Electronics don't care if you pay attention to them or not, but your spouse does.