Quote

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside.
-Frank Pittman

Finding Balance

So many people understand that it is important to find balance in your life, but many people misunderstand how it works.  Some people seem to think it means doing a little of everything each day.  Others think it means dedicating equal amounts of time to each area of your life, such as work, play, family, spirituality, friends, hobbies, etc.

These people are wrong.

Have you ever tried to balance a broom on one finger? If not, give it a try.  You will find that it takes movement of your finger, hand, arm, and sometimes your whole body from side to side to keep it balanced.  Sometimes it is fine adjustments.  Sometimes when it starts to lean too far one way you must really swing wide to keep it from falling over. This is how balance in life looks. It is not a scale where you just make each side the same weight.  It is not about making all of our piles look the same.  It is about adjustment and adaptation.

If you went to college you probably noticed that you had to spend more time on school work than other things to do well.  If you have ever had a newborn baby, you probably got less sleep and spent more time changing diapers than you ever imagined possible.  These are the necessary swings and adjustments we need to make to keep things in balance in our lives. There will be times when we have to maximize our work time and minimize our play time to make ends meet.  There will be times where we have to minimize our work time to take care of a loved one or to handle a crisis.  And if your marriage is in trouble, you will need to devote a great deal of time to your marriage and less time to other areas of your life. 

Far too often I will meet with a couple in my office, they will work really hard on their marriage, but by the time they get home they have gone back to life as usual and will only devote extra energy towards their relationship when back in session.  Some even do this in the name of balance. "I have to keep doing this or that to keep my life in balance!"  If the broom is falling over, you have to move your hand quickly and often far in one direction to keep it from falling, to bring it in balance.  If your marriage is falling over, you have to shift your energy to your marriage from other places, or it will fall to the ground.  That is how to keep balance.

So I would suggest, if your marriage is falling down, do not look to balance your life, to make sure you are covering all your bases and living a well rounded existence, move quickly, deliberately, and intensely to fix the problem before it comes crashing down. And don't stop adjusting and making corrective moves in your marriage. If you hold your hand still, the broom will fall.  

So go grab a broom, place it on your finger, and balance.

Quote

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.  
-Mignon McLaughlin